i’ll wince at a raised voice, i’ll ask you to stop yelling, and you’ll tell me you’re not. but my ears can’t handle loudness when my mind is so chaotic already, i’m sorry, a strong voice haunts me. when you’re mad and move hands towards me, i’ll flinch like a baby being startled in sleep, my body will jump and my soul will stand still. you won’t hit me, i know, i hope, i’m sorry. when we are laying in bed and your hand crawls up my leg, my chest will tighten and my breathing will freeze. for a moment flashbacks will play across the ceiling that becomes a projector. my heart will ache in remembrance. your peaceful sigh will break my reliving. my face towards yours, a sorry becomes a kiss. i might cry when i spill milk on your shirt, when i drop your fork before dinner, when i forget to iron your pants. i may cry when you get angry, when your eyes won’t look at me, when your jaw starts to tighten. i will, sometimes, forget you are not living to hurt me. you are living to love me. i know, you are safe and strong, you are love and light. but, he was intimidation and power, hateful and dull.. and i, i am just learning to not be afraid, to not be weak. i am learning what it is to be loved back.